Well, it seems I rattled a few cages with my most recent post… I have received nothing but positive replies from those that decided they needed to respond to my post, and for that I thank them. I have received a lot of positive responses, but the silence of the majority of those that follow me speaks volumes. I don’t expect everyone to have an opinion, nor do I expect all of you to agree with what I said last night. To show how serious I am, let me go a step further.
It is no secret that I am not a fan of the sitting President of the United States, he is a buffoon, he is an idiot, he has no concept of taking care of a country, he only cares about himself, and how much he can get his followers to praise him. He tweets nonsense at 3 am and expects everyone to not only agree with him but to praise him for the content of those tweets. This is blind adoration, this is cult-like praise, and those that will go along with everything he says or does is similar to what Nazi Germany experienced in the ’30s and ’40s. I don’t use that analogy lightly, because to compare the idiot to the most hated man in the history of the world is not exactly smart blogging, but that’s what I see. He has his own propaganda station in Fox News, whom will praise anything he says, agree with the most absurd notions that he spews from his Twitter account, and is basically the lapdog for whatever Trump wants to say or do.
Your “Dear Leader” is leading you into oblivion, and he doesn’t care as long as it benefits him his ego, and his bank account. Deny it all you want, tell me I’m crazy, tell me I have Trump Derangement Syndrome, but the fact of the matter is he doesn’t care about this country, its citizens or who gets trampled along the way. History will show him as the idiot and fraud that he is, all I have to do is sit back and watch it happen. I won’t entertain any Trump disciple in an argument, nor will I consider having a discussion with anyone that decides to come at me for what I say, because as I mentioned in my previous post, you will no more change my belief in the truth, as I will in trying to convince you otherwise. It is useless to argue with Trump supporters when all they want to do is criticize your character, your patriotism or your love of what this country REALLY stands for.
Gonna move on from this sore subject and talk about a few things I am dealing with in my life. I am a 52-year-old heterosexual straight white male. I know white privilege, I have never experienced discrimination, never been passed up for promotion because a minority was awarded it over me. I am happy in my job, I am good at what I do, and feel that I am rewarded for what I can do. However, here are a couple of things in my life right now that are pushing the limits of my sanity. First, let’s talk about my health because I am 52 after all and with my age comes health issues. I am experiencing gastrointestinal issues currently and I have been tested with ultrasounds, blood tests, MRI’s, Cat Scans, and stool samples, but as yet, after three months, there are still no answers. I have had a colonoscopy, the results of which will be discussed with me on June 13th, I have provided samples on two different occasions, none of which have diagnosed what it is I have. My mornings are spent on the throne, hoping to get it all “out” before having to go to work. I am afraid to leave my apartment, for fear of embarrassing myself in public, so I go into each day with the hope that I can make it through the day and avoid any situations that could reveal my issues. Despite all of that, I go to work, I perform as expected, and I put on a show for my co-workers so as not to reveal how frustrated I am with my current health. It’s not easy putting on this face, but I love what I do, and the work I do provides me an escape from my personal issues.
The other thing is financial, and this is something I knew was coming for a long time. You see, 20 years ago, I enrolled in college, and I was encouraged to apply for student loans in order to pay for it. I have my FIRST ex-wife to thank for this as she is the one that encouraged me to go back to school to better myself. I was 34 and was in a dark place and school seemed the best way to try and change my situation. Boy… was I both stupid and naive to think that was the answer to my problems. I never did graduate, and I regret ever going back to school, thinking it could benefit my situation. Fast-forward to 2019 and I have $72,000 in student loans that need to be paid. The Department of Education wants to garnish my wages to the tune of $345.95/mo in order to pay it all back. As I pointed out in my previous post, I live paycheck to paycheck, only able to pay the bills and put food in my stomach, with not much left over in case something major happens to either my car, my health, or whatever another unseen crisis is going to rear its ugly head. I also have over $1500.00 in medical bills outstanding because of my ER visit in November, so wage garnishment is the LAST thing I need right now. Despite all of this, I still feel blessed and lucky, simply because I have a roof over my head, I have a great job that I am good at, and people in my life that care about me. That’s all I need right now, the issues I am facing will work itself out, and I truly believe that I will come out on the other side better for having to go through it all. My struggle is real, but it pales in comparison to others that are dealing with homelessness, bankruptcy, foreclosure, no food, no income, and most of all, no self-respect in the face of adversity. I realize I am better off than others, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that I am struggling, I am barely keeping my head above water and as long as I have a breath left in my body, I will continue to move forward, looking for a time that I have nothing over my head that can keep me down.
Despite all that is going on, I am still positive. I love my life, I cherish my relationships, friends, and my family, because no matter what I am going through they will always be there for me, and for that alone I am thankful. I still have a heartbeat, I am still breathing, and as long as those two things are in play, I know I can succeed. For those that feel they are alone in this world, look deep at the people in your life, know that you have those that care about you, your success and your well being. this will make you stronger, and able to move forward into tomorrow and kick life’s ass one step at a time.
Tonight’s post is all about leaving it all on the table to show my perspective of life, and to express that even when things are bleak, there is hope, and there is a light at the end of a tunnel that is most definitely NOT a train. fight for every minute, for every second and you will have a more positive outlook on life. I try not to let the stupid shit get me down, simply because I am here. I have a heartbeat, I have breath in me, and I have a supporting cast second to none. Thank you to those friends and family that have my back, that will be there for me if I need them. I need to learn to appreciate you, to love you, and above all else, believe that you will always be there for me if I need a shoulder to cry on…
G’night everyone… Be kind to yourself… and each other…
Scott – “The Sports Nerd”